Posts Tagged ‘fail’

An ideal start

Posted: 2011/09/14 by evilsilents in Activities
Tags: ,

Here’s the TL;DR:

  • Bruce joins Kadavr Black Guard for some PvP and Faction War action
  • Bruce relocates his Sabre
  • Shaz delivers a Rifter
  • Bruce flies said Rifter to new HQ
  • Bruce undocks Rifter from new HQ, to find flashy Vengeance
  • Bruce coolly ctrl-spaces, waits out his timer, and docks
  • Bruce approaches docking perimeter
  • Bruce’s human says a very bad and largely incoherent sentence, including the words f&$%, c#*^ and kickout
  • Bruce’s Rifter melts
  • Bruce’s GTFO tab lags out
  • Bruce’s pod melts along with his full set of +4s
  • Bruce has unexpectedly awesome first day in corp

Another swing and a (sortof) miss

Posted: 2011/07/20 by evilsilents in Activities
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I popped Bruce out in the covert ops in my home system to see what was up.  D-scan picked up an absolute shedful of large and medium pirate wrecks, off the ecliptic for an easy probe.  A short time later (I love the new Alt- probe reposition mechanic)  I was in a spent Level 4 mission with a Navy Dominix or something on probe, clearly finishing up later rooms, and a cloud of wrecks.  Vandals.

Shaz came in with her Vigil and got to work.  I left looting, just focusing on hoovering the battleship salvage, as I had nothing that could take the battleship if and when it returned and shot at the Vigil.  I nommed away until the wrecks were almost gone, at which point a Noctis jumped in.  Seems our missioner wants my wrecks.  I don’t think so.

We competed for the last couple of wrecks while I radioed for our New Guy to jump in with his Tristan and start looting.  Although this seems a cowardly act, Bruce was by this time in a lazy overwatch over the Noctis in his Hound, waiting for a dumb move and I’d need to focus on him if shit went down.  Some people can PvP 2 accounts at once, but I’m too old for that.  Anyway, I bought him that Tristan :)

Shaz and the Noctis fought over the last wreck, with Shaz salvaging as he tractored. Shaz won :)  I quickly popped out a can with a single Armour Plate in it and motored away, hoping the Noctis pilot would be pissed off enough to grab it or stupid enough to click through the warning in his rush; at which point Bruce would unleash hell.  He sure thought about it.  Sat there next to the can for a whole minute in his untanked salvage boat, weighing up the pros and cons of stealing from a salvage Vigil and a Tristan over 80km away and red to him.

One finger on the cloak button.  Another on the point. Mouse at the ready for clicking the second he went red.

Instead, he jumped into room 2.  Punk.  Bruce settled in above the can just in case he came back, and Shaz and New Guy followed the Noctis; New Guy with orders to hug the Noctis and loot every can that dropped, and Shaz doing her “chase the tractoring cans while salvaging them” trick.

We did this for two more rooms, accruing a hold full of Armour Plates, meta modules and assorted paraphenalia.  Not exactly a bounty for me, but for a two week old pilot, 10 mill is a fortune.  Mr Noctis never peeped a word and left the system shortly afterwards.

Yarr… ?

yoink… ?

Posted: 2011/07/19 by evilsilents in Activities
Tags: , ,

I had some time during the day today to scan down the surrounding systems, looking for wormholes in which to conduct shenanigans. After four systems, I’d located four Serpentis sites and one C1 hole. While corpie and wormhole pal from yesteryear Brep ran the combat sites, I took Brucey into the C1 to see what was up in w-space.

Nothing, that’s what. Only a Drake on scan, probably at a POS, and a buttload of signatures. I warped around a bit to make sure I hadn’t missed anything, and decided to check for offline towers. Always bet on stupid. Well my probes didn’t find any towers, but did find that Drake. And from the looks of it, he was just sitting there. I quickly probed him down, warped the Cheetah to 100km and was gobsmacked to see that not only was it just sitting there in space, it was unoccupied.


After a self-satisfied grin and little skip of the heart, I came thudding back down to earth with the realisation that nobody in our corp could fly a Drake, being Matar and Gallente drone whores. Hmm, what to do. I wonder what my Caldari Black Ops alt-in-training is up to? A quick simulation in EveHQ revealed that the Great Drake Yoink was only four hours of training away, with Battlecruisers II. Commence.

In the meantime we went on a 3-man frigate roam into the local lowsec to see what we could see. We ended up hugging gates, surrounded by Maels, Drakes and covops boats. Lowsec ain’t what it used to be. However one of the locals brought out a Cane, which he very kindly offered to 2v1 the remaining Tristan and Rifter in (the Ishkur having had to log). Um, no deal. Would we be interested in a Rupture? By this time we just wanted splosions of any colour, so we agreed.

Being ever wary of a TARP, I warped Brucey’s Cheetah to the designated belt only to see the Rupture sitting well above it, no doubt fit for range, and 40km from me. Nice. A 10km orbit would give the Rifter and Tristan a good warp in under the guns for a pro Rupture kill. He’d never be the wiser if I didn’t break cloak. 30… 20… 15…

He warped off. The git.

We played all innocent in local, talking about how Shaz had been talking our green (1 week old) Tristan pilot through how it would go down, and huzzah, he came back to the belt. 50km away from Bruce’s covops. Repeat. 40… 30… 20…

Again. Warped. Gave us a line about needing to go, and went afk. I made sure to leave a good natured taunt about a Ruppy running from a Rifter and a 1-week old toon in a Tristan, and we left, balls blue. Never mind; the training countdown was almost done and we had a Drake to steal.

We made it to the C1 with 15 minutes to spare before training was done; Bruce still in the Cheetah and the alt in a shuttle. Oh, what I’d pay to hear our intrepid Drake abandoner’s choice of words when he no doubt logged on his Noctis to find his “safespot” Drake significantly downgraded. Given the number of signatures in the C1, and the time instability of the hole, I elected not to jump in right away in case it closed. I’ve scanned an exit many times from a C2 with 30+ sigs, and the exit is always in the last five. It’s a pain in the arse.

So I started drafting this post. Time passed. Then…

SEVEN minutes from the completion of training…

The hole popped. End of life. Vanished away, taking J213653 and my Drake with it.

Eve, you blue-balling bitch, that’s twice in one day.

I aim to misbehave

Posted: 2010/09/11 by evilsilents in Activities
Tags: , , ,

It seems evilsilents is morphing into a serious competitor for failblog.  Check it people, this is what happens when you let carebears loose in nullsec.

Today’s first fail is best told in the style of the Crash Test Dummies’ “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm”.

Once there was this guy who
jumped into a gatecamp in a PvE Myrm
and when he started melting
he spammed planet mode instead of warping
Fifty million skillpoints and still a total noooo ooooob
Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Poor Brep.  Not much in the way of hope against that determined camp.

Then our friend who invited us into Providence apparently forgot to tell his alliance.  As it turns out, we’re not blue to Agony Unleashed any more.  This will certainly not be related to any future tears and/or fail.  Apologies to the folks who were inconvenienced and/or hassled by this turn of events.

Today’s final fail relates to yours truly.  Eve Uni turns out many different types of students, but one of the more common ones has come to be referred to the “baby Doberman” – all paws, slobber and teeth, and no redeeming PvP features other than a lack of fear of losing ships.  *bows*

Again, with apologies to the Crash Test Dummies:

Then there was a Hound who
stalked an interceptor for an hour and a half
and when he finally bombed him
he found a Stabber isn’t an inty
He couldn’t understand how it tanked twelve hundred damage
Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Still, the guy must have pooped his pants, and that was my first ever PvP bomb.  If I’d actually bothered to check the ship instead of confusing it with a Claw, I would have stuck around and torpedoed him instead of warping out like a bitch.  Or maybe given the Agony guys a warp-in.

Choo choo.


Posted: 2010/09/05 by evilsilents in Activities
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So my buddy says “let’s rat a 4/10 plex in hisec”.  Never done a plex before, why not?   Give it a shot.

One dead salvage Cyclone (RIP Arigatou II) and one dead AC Jaguar (RIP Catherine Bell I) later, I have decided that PvE does, sometimes, require thought.


POS attack fail… again

Posted: 2010/08/30 by evilsilents in Activities
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Sunday morning.  all set for a bit of fun with the kids, get them off to bed and some pirating shenanigans in Eve in my new temporary home in Gallente space.  Quick check of Eve Gate to see what’s going on – what’s this? A mail from a corpie who has a scanning alt in our old Class 2?

As of this timestamp the other corp that setup shop inside our wh tower is now offline….go figure they too apparently having trouble keeping things running smoothly. Anyway I looked over the tower and whatnot. Easy pickings.

An offline POS?  In a wormhole that I also, as it happens, have a scanning alt in?  Well now.  Piracy has a new name, and it is POS bashing.

So in and around playing with the kids, I scanned down the seven signatures inside the hole and on the sixth (of course) I found an exit to lowsec not 14 jumps away from my base.  I autopiloted both my toons to the nearest hisec station while I cooked dinner; Shaz fitted up a max-DPS battleship in and around bathtime, and at 7pm with the kids in bed I hooked up with another corpie in an Itty V for the POS rape of a lifetime.  What goodies would we uncover?  What riches awaited us?

An incident-free traversal of lowsec under Bruce’s watchful covops eyes and we were in.  Bruce warped to the enemy POS and it was, as reported, totally offline and unpopulated.  D-scan was clear – Bruce gave the OK for the big ships to warp in and for Shaz to start pwning the Corp Hangar.

Er… where’s the Corp Hangar?

Er… where’s the Maintenance Bay?

So it seems that the good folks from Zaren Family are smarter than initially thought.  They left their medium POS offline with all defences anchored and took the hangar, maint bay and all their stuff out.  They’re clearly planning on coming back once the sites revive, and they don’t need to arse about with re-anchoring everything.  There’s no point in bashing the POS as no profit can be made, and it’s probably still chockers with Strontium.  Grudging respect for the cleverness of that approach.

I bashed it a bit anyway, purely out of frustration.  Even the anchored GSC’s were almost entirely empty apart from some scan probes and stuff.


So we picked up our PI and headed out, to log off in a huff at a wasted evening.  Thank you CCP, may I have another?

Choo Choo! All Aboard the Fail Train

Posted: 2010/08/25 by evilsilents in Activities
Tags: , , ,

My intersection system wasn’t turning up any interesting targets, so I moved to the nearest lowsec to see what was up.  Bruce went ahead in his cloaky to check out the scene, while Shaz brought up the rear in her shiny new PvP fit Cyclone.  Lowsec right?  A den of scum and villainy?

I have never seen this particular system empty, but tonight it was.  Not shaping up to be a productive evening – when all of a sudden, I got a new spike in local.  Good evening Lipena.  How lovely to see you.  Now, let’s see what you’re up to.

Bruce quickly pinpointed her at a belt using my new 7-probe technique which I’m liking a great deal.  Imagine 2 x 0.5AU probes offset from each other by about 0.4AU, with that dual blob surrounded by a 1AU probe, itself surrounded by 4 x 4AU probes in a cross.  It’s hard to describe, but it gets 100% locks on destroyers and small indies without resizing.  Quality.

So Ms Lipena was happily bashing rats in a Thrasher.  Bruce warped to 50 to check out the scene, but was decloaked by a rock on landing.  Fail.  Lipena seemed not to notice, which sparked my curiosity and an info check.  Ah bollocks – 8 days old.  Damn me and my principles.  Still – the guy has balls, ratting in lowsec solo in a Thrasher at 8 days of age, in an NPC corp.  Or maybe he just doesn’t know any better.  Should I… educate?

Shaz was still a couple of jumps away picking up ammo, so Bruce followed the prey from belt to belt.  By the time Shaz arrived, Local had spiked to Lipena plus two and the system was getting more interesting.  Shaz jumped in, immediately warped to the target belt and with my heart thumping I got my very first security penalty with a textbook tackle.  Thanks Uni, the training paid off.

I was within seconds settled into a tight orbit around my prey, scrammed and webbed, though weapons cold for now.  I wanted to chat.  Opening the window, I commenced a delightful conversation with a very polite gent which went roughly like this:

Me: Hi there
Him: Hi
Me: I guess you’ve realised you’re in a bit of trouble
Him: Really?
(oh, playing innocent are we?)
Me: Are you new?
Him: Check the info, employment history

Yes you guessed it, I convoed the wrong guy.   A CEO of an Ushra’Khan corp.  Who proceeded to piss himself laughing when I told him what was happening.

Choo choo.

Er, ok.  Convo the correct guy.  Who by now is firing on me unprovoked – the guy either has balls of solid steel or brains of solid steel.  One salvo from the Cyclone’s guns put him into armour, and I left it at that while sorting my chat fail – he was barely tickling my tank.

Me: Hi there
Lipena: Hi
Me: are you new?
Lipena: yeah
Me: OK, normally I would have killed you but I just wanted the tackle practice.

More firing, goddammit.  Another salvo from the Cyclone and he was in deep structure.  The big guns fell silent, the peashooters not.

Me: So, be careful ratting in lowsec, there are pirates about ;)
Lipena: OK
Me: enjoy your evening o/

Still under fire, I warped Shaz out.  Shortly afterwards, Bruce watched as Lipena streaked off for the highsec gate, trailing a plume of fire from the ship he probably put every cent into.  I been there my friend.  You may hate me now, but you will remember that lesson.

I later probed Mr U’K down in a Primae.  Goodness but I wanted that kill, but he proved slippery and warped off just before Shaz landed :(

On the positive side, I got my first sec hit and nailed a very nice tackle if I do say so myself, plus had a hilarious night and picked up some 0.4 salvage.  This pirate crap is awesome!